Melancholy Celebration
by becca85
Summary: "I can't do it, Thor. It's not that I don't appreciate your invitation—I really would love to celebrate with you—but you know, deep down, that I can't accept it. I can't go to Asgard if he's there."


**A/N: This piece is meant to be what I call a snapshot piece. It was written independently of any story that I am presently working on, but it gives you the impression that it comes from something larger. There's no clear beginning and there's no clear ending. It's designed for you to continue the thread to wherever your imagination takes you to.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters or ideas created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby or glorified by Joss Whedon. I borrowed them for the entertainment and amusement of my audience.**

**SUMMARY: ****"I can't do it, Thor. It's not that I don't appreciate your invitation—I really would love to celebrate with you—but you know, deep down, that I can't accept it. I can't go to Asgard if **_**he's**_** there."**

**GENRE: Drama**

**RATING: PG-13**

**DATE COMPLETED: October 29, 2014**

**::~*~::**

Clint winced slightly as the knock came at his door. Trying his best to ignore it, he kept his hands flat against the windowpane, his forehead resting on the cold glass between them. He watched the snow gently falling outside and thought how easy it would be to just let go of everything and join them in their descent. His fingers curled, clenching together, and he pounded an angry fist against the glass, knowing full well it wouldn't break under his fury.

When Tony had extended the invitation to the team members to take up residence in his tower, he had immediately set to work turning it into a fortress, albeit an opulent fortress. To the untrained eye, the upper levels still looked the same as they ever did, but to those who resided and worked therein, they'd witnessed the transformation almost from the start. Tony had torn down walls left and right and built them back up with enhanced steel plating in the frames. All the windows had been replaced with special tempered glass. Security wall tracks lined every communal area, and secret panels, accessed only by pre-approved handprint scans, hid small arsenals in every room. Tony wasn't taking any chances, especially when he took into account how often Pepper was found in the company of the team members in the building. Needless to say, where Tony was involved, everything was cutting edge and top of the line, even better than what the military was currently using.

The knock came again and Clint grit his teeth, hoping he would just go away. He knew exactly who it was and even what he wanted, and, frankly, Clint was slightly offended that he would even consider asking such a thing. Clint immediately regretted his negative attitude. Nobody else had any idea what he was going thru. Nobody could ever know; not unless history repeated itself, and God help them all if it did.

"Clint."

Clint clamped his hands over his ears in an attempt to drown out the booming voice. Even speaking normally, Thor's voice was still deep and loud. _I suppose that's to be expected when you're a god of thunder,_ Clint thought. He lowered his hands slowly and was rewarded with the sound of Thor's footsteps retreating from Clint's door.

Clint turned back to the window and continued watching the snowflakes drift past. He'd be back. Clint couldn't avoid him forever.

**::~*~::**

"Clint!"

Clint was standing on the snowy balcony of the tower, directly over the infamous "A". The snow had stopped temporarily, but Clint may have still found himself on the balcony even had it still been falling. He was watching the bundled pedestrians far below as they hurried from one warm place to the next. His perfect vision allowed him to see them with little difficulty and every time he followed the movements of a particular individual, he wondered who they were, where they were going, what they were thinking as they passed under the unofficial Avengers tower. Weeks had passed and while every member of the team had a place to live away from the tower, they found themselves drifting back more and more often. Pepper always made sure they had rooms in the tower. Tony had even started renovating some of the guest suites below his penthouse suite so that each team member could have their own level to live in.

Clint sighed and turned to face Thor, unable to avoid him any longer.

Thor was resplendent in his silver armor and scarlet cape, looking as though he was ready to charge into battle, although that could be difficult as his hammer was nowhere to be seen, but it was always a summons away. Thor walked purposefully across the balcony and stood at the edge next to Clint, arms resting casually on top of the glass panels that served as an elegant barrier against gravity's cruel pull. He didn't speak and Clint wasn't going to start. Clint went back to watching the people far below as they stood in silence for several moments. Natasha had given him the heads up earlier in the week after Thor had spoken to her.

He had just picked out a little girl of about six, bundled up in an expensive white fur coat with a matching hat and muff, follow what had to be her mother into a designer shop down the street. The girl had stared in open-mouthed adoration at the tower as her mother tugged her hand to lead her into the shop. Clint smiled in spite of himself.

"Clint." Clint's smile evaporated faster than a snowflake on a warm hand. "I know you are not ignorant of the invitation I want to extend to you. I also know that you've been avoiding me because of it, but I want to assure you that you will be very well protected if you come. You will be in the company of some of the greatest warriors among my people."

After several days of avoidance and feigned ignorance, it was finally out in the open. Clint had to respond now. His fingers clutched the top of the glass panel and he saw his knuckles turning white. He took several deep breaths to control the anger coursing thru him. It wasn't fair to Thor, for Thor was not the target of his anger, but Thor was the closest Clint could come to lashing out to him who was deserving of all the pent up rage Clint had to vent. Thor could have phrased his words better, though. He made it sound like Clint was weak and defenseless.

_Decline it,_ he thought to himself,_ just decline it and be done with it._ He supposed that he could promise to think about it and let Thor know later, but the answer wasn't going to change from what it was at that moment, so there was no point in dragging it out. "I can't do it, Thor. It's not that I don't appreciate your invitation—I really would love to celebrate with you—but you know, deep down, that I can't accept it. I can't go to Asgard if _he's_ there."

Thor nodded, a little stiffly, but he didn't speak. He also didn't move from his spot next to Clint. After waiting for another moment or two in silence, Clint started to feel uncomfortable in Thor's formidable presence. He took a step back from the railing and turned to leave when Thor spoke again.

"What if he wasn't there?" Clint stopped in his tracks and turned back to Thor. It was clear from the expression on Thor's face that he was deeply conflicted. Clint saw the war being waged behind the demigod's eyes. He was torn between the deep-rooted love he still bore for his brother, and the love and respect he now had for his new friends who had become as close to him as family. Thor was actually offering to send his brother away for a few days just so that he could celebrate his birthday in the company of those he had fought and bled beside time and again, whether on this world, or countless others. Clint could see how hard it was for Thor to even offer that option, but it also showed him how much his friendship meant to him.

"I can't ask you to do that," Clint said softly.

Thor's resolve seemed to solidify as they stood there and he was much more confident in his decision as he said, "I will, if that's the only thing keeping you from accepting."

Clint actually found himself considering it. He'd never really had any grand aspirations for what he wanted out of life, especially when most of his life involved surviving from one day to the next, but what kind of a person would he come across as if he declined to visit another world when the opportunity was presented? Of course, Loki was as slippery as a serpent and just as devious. There was no guarantee that things would happen as Thor hoped they would.

"I'll think about it, but I don't think it's going to change my answer," he replied, before turning and quitting the balcony altogether, his footsteps crunching over the snow that had fallen on the balcony. Natasha was curled up on one of the sofas in the living room, flipping uninterestedly through a magazine. Clint suspected that she had been waiting for him to come back in, but he quickly bypassed her and retreated to the solitude of his room. Through the closed door he could hear her leave the sofa and approach his room, but she must have thought better of her intent as he heard her soft footsteps stop and then fade as she walked away.

He fell back across his bed and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that Loki was no longer in his mind. He had been ejected quite forcefully when Natasha had given him a concussion on the helicarrier, but that feeling of not being in control of his own thoughts and actions, of having someone rifling through his most personal thoughts and memories like an open filing cabinet, was not something he could easily forget. Even if he was under lock and key, that was a chance Clint couldn't take. Thor's birthday celebration on Asgard would just have to be one Avenger short.


End file.
